It’s now been two weeks since my Dad passed away. Each day seems to drag on, but 15 have passed and it doesn’t really feel like it’s been that long. While I seem to be doing a good enough job distracting myself during daylight hours, I still feel a monstrous depression throughout the day, even more so at night when less is going on. My mind races with questions and doubts.
However, I also feel a fierce desire to better myself, but things feel so overwhelming that I do not know where to begin. Do I go back to school again? Do I concentrate on losing weight? Do I find myself a new line of work? There are so may things I want to do, but just don’t seem to wrap my noggin around any of them enough to get started.
I also have this sense of purging, as though I want to get rid of all my material possessions. In fact, I started doing so when I took some of my parent’s books to my store to sell. I brought along a few DVDs and my own books as well. I keep looking at all my things and can’t help but wonder why I bother with any of it. And yet, I find myself compelled to buy more of the same (or different things too).
I started reading a book my wife found for me at Borders yesterday titled “FatherLoss” which talks about sons losing the fathers at various stages in their lives. I’ve only gone through the first couple chapters so far, but it’s been very helpful so far. Also, this coming Thursday, I go to my first counseling appointment. It’s set up through my work and I get 5 free visits with 30 more for the year with only a $15 co-pay per visit. I hope it will help.
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